(Trying) to do good

I recently signed up for a program similar to Big Brothers/Big Sisters. It's called I Have a Dream (IHAD) and it matches underprivilaged children with professional adults for tutoring and long-term positive relationships. The commitment is once or twice a week for a year.

Now, I am VERY excited to do this, but I gotta tell you. I'm scared shitless. It seems like an awful lot of responsibility. And clearly, I have pushed off most intimate responsibility in favor of work responsibility. We don't even have a dog, for goodness sake. We have a hard time making plans more than a week or so in advance. To commit myself to a child, even for a few hours a week, gives me great pause.

It's probably about the closest I want to get to actually caring for another person. But these kids are so vulnerable, so needy, you can't just change your mind and leave them hanging. The seriousness really FREAKS ME OUT! I can be lazy and selfish with my free time. Maybe I want to sleep late. Maybe I've got a hangover. Maybe we picked up some last minute concert tickets in a different state and we're heading out for the weekend. Yikes! Is this what PWKs feel like all the time?

I'm hoping that the relationship is so rewarding that I forget all these fears and really relish it. I'm hoping . . . I'm hoping I'm a better person than I fear I am.