Why do middle aged marketers at M&Ms think that children will like candies the color of paint swatches at Home Depot?

(Trying) to do good

I recently signed up for a program similar to Big Brothers/Big Sisters. It's called I Have a Dream (IHAD) and it matches underprivilaged children with professional adults for tutoring and long-term positive relationships. The commitment is once or twice a week for a year.

Now, I am VERY excited to do this, but I gotta tell you. I'm scared shitless. It seems like an awful lot of responsibility. And clearly, I have pushed off most intimate responsibility in favor of work responsibility. We don't even have a dog, for goodness sake. We have a hard time making plans more than a week or so in advance. To commit myself to a child, even for a few hours a week, gives me great pause.

It's probably about the closest I want to get to actually caring for another person. But these kids are so vulnerable, so needy, you can't just change your mind and leave them hanging. The seriousness really FREAKS ME OUT! I can be lazy and selfish with my free time. Maybe I want to sleep late. Maybe I've got a hangover. Maybe we picked up some last minute concert tickets in a different state and we're heading out for the weekend. Yikes! Is this what PWKs feel like all the time?

I'm hoping that the relationship is so rewarding that I forget all these fears and really relish it. I'm hoping . . . I'm hoping I'm a better person than I fear I am.

Dying to Work

I am thankful to my parents for instilling a strong work ethic in me. I enjoy the challenges and the opportunities work brings. But why do we all work so hard? With all the hoopla going on about immigration in the U.S., I can't help but pause to think about the folks who are really putting everything they have on the line just for the opportunity to put in a hard day's labor and make a living wage.

And honestly, I don't really get the issue. It's pure economics - supply and demand. Most illegal immigrants are willing to do the kinds of work that most Americans - no matter their circumstances - find beneath them. This isn't news, of course, but this human condition intrigues. What are people willing to give up to work? In this case, it is potentially their families and the way of life they have known for 10, 15, 20 years. Just for the opportunity to come over here and try to work, to do more than survive, many give their lives.

For the people around me, though, US citizens and mostly other DINKS, survival isn't the issue. They give up their health, their marriages, and their children to toil in supposedly rewarding jobs that wring every bit of energy, passion and pleasure from them. Work regularly brings many of my co-workers to tears. In these instances, it's not about putting food on the table. It's not about basic needs. It's for achievement or recognition. For the big bonus, the big house, the sports car, the beautiful spouse and the kick-ass wine collection.

It's common in this country for people to look down on the "illegals" who are taking American's jobs and America's future. But in reality they want nothing more than the chance to live the kind of life they dream of, to work for it. To risk it all for the opportunity to some day give away their happiness for nothing more than a corner office and an impressive title. Maybe they shouldn't be fighting so hard.

Living the Life You Love

I've been thinking about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. (Those of you who know me know that I have an embarassing addiction to People Magazine). You see them all the time dragging their kids on trains, planes and automobiles around the world. Then there are people like Kevin Federline who clearly should have a cork placed in his baby maker. He likes to party. Responsibility, and responsible parenting, don't seem to be his strong suit. Or think about world class athletes like Lance Armstrong. Are world-touring, hard-partying lifestyles or constant training - the kind of lives we might dream about - good for children and family?

This makes me wonder about living the life you love. Is it possible to realize your potential as a human being if you have kids and really be a good parent?

This is of course a biased view as there are millions of individuals all over the world who work like dogs every day their whole life and never achieve anything nearing personal excellence or fulfillment. So this question is for that minority who has the option to consider self improvement and personal achievement. Can you live the life you love, reach to your fullest potential and still achieve family happiness?

As a DINK, it's easier, but there's still a whole other person to consider. For example, The Boy and I have an agreed upon amount of money we can spend before we need to consult the other person. And of course, when making any life decisions determining jobs, etc. we always discuss these issues together. I recently decided to be adventurous and try out for an opportunity to take on my dream job of working for Rolling Stone. Could I do that if I had kids and really be the parent I would want to be? Probably not. Could I be an astronaut or a movie star or world class athlete? Yes, but at what price? Would my kids spend more time with nannies and having their routine disrupted? Probably.

What about my husband? All my life choices impact him as well, but without kids, do we have more flexibility? Probably a little. But we have both made many choices as couple that we wouldn't have made as individuals. It just so happens that The Boy digs when I do something a little crazy, so maybe I have a little more leeway. (As long as it doesn't drastically impact the bottom line!) Bottom line for this question is that the freedom to make any choice you want is a lonely path. I'm happy to make some concessions in order to maximize family Harmony with The Boy. So in this case, maybe PWK's (People With Kids) and DINK's aren't that different. As with many issues, it is a question of degrees.

Things You Can Do When You Don't Have Kids

Things you can do when you don't have kids:

1. Sleep late.
2. Stay in bed all day.
3. Cycle all morning; nap all afternoon.
(are you seeing a trend?)
4. Go out to eat at a moments notice - no babysitter
5. Get drunk and stupid anytime you want
6. Unrestricted grocery shopping

As I get older, people often ask me if I miss or think I will miss not having children. Of course I sometimes wonder, but I do get to experience a lot of the joyful activities of having children through the interactions with my family.

For example, this weekend I'm helping my neice review and consider potential colleges (she wants to major in advertising, so if anyone has suggestions, please post comments!). Anyone who knows me knows I was made for this type of conversation. I value education so much and want the best for everyone around me and I am so honored that she considers my opinion important enough to take part in this decision.

I've had loads of opportunities with my sisters, of course. Being 10 and 12 years older than they are, I was there when they were born and took care of them until I went to college. My relationship was more sporadic during those years, but when they got older (and I calmed down from all the partying) we were able to forge strong ties. That means I was there when the middle one decided to tell someone she had gone behind my parents back and joined the navy (thankfully we talked her out of it before she was shipped out), I was there when she turned 21 and drank her first - and last - Jagermeister. I have been there a few times to meet select boyfriends, and I fretted and worried with her when she bought her first house. I was there when the little one needed back surgery, when she decided to change colleges and when she needed new clothes for her intership with a state senator.

I think about and worry about them and hope for their happiness and success. I feed them when I can and pass them money when they need it. Those experiences are real and powerful and the closest I will get to experiencing parenthood. And I guess when I hear my friends complain about sleepless nights and surly teenagers, I really do feel blessed. For the most part, I get to experience the good stuff. All the "bad" stuff is left for the real parents.

Me and the young rock kids at the Rose Bar in Cologne, Germany.