Portrait 

Carrying ON

Now is the time of year that my family--aunts, uncles, cousins, parents--take great pride in creating the family meals that have passed down from generation to generation. Chicken and Dumplings (ever so thin and wonderful noodles relaxing in a succulant chicken broth), cheesy potatoes, cornbread dressing, 7 layer salad, chocolate pie so sweet you want to slap it. Mmm. That's holiday eating at it's best.

What interests me is that the pact that The Boy and I have means there will be no generation to pass down our holiday traditions, recipes and unique points of view. Both our family names and our family--a least the discreet family made up so sweetly of him and me--will end when we do.

On some level, this seems spectacularly depressing. What we have together is so great, so perfect, so loving and so long-lasting that it seems a shame not to enable another being to join us in expanding our duo--exanding the love and the happiness.

But honestly, people, that's not the part that really gets to me. What gets to me is a base and strident concern about what will happen to us in old age? Who will take care of us? In essence, who will be around to lovingly and carefully wipe my butt?

I know that seems crass. But think about it. Children are the ones these days who are most often called upon to care for their parents private needs. I have watched both of my parents care for their ailing parents and do unspeakable acts of love because no one else was around and it had to be done. Sure, there's often a "home" to put the elderly in. With our saving plan, The Boy and I should have enough resources to see us to the end. But who will make sure we get there, that we have thoughtful and caring providers. Will they put us in front of a tv all day and change our Depends just once? (This one seems like revenge for all those parents out there who use the tv as babysitter). Who will visit at holidays? Who will cry when we take our last breath and make stupid requests to the undertaker--out of pure, raw love (We made the undertaker put panties on my grandmother when he prepared her for burial. Nice pretty, lacy frilly ones. We felt some guilt that she probably never had any in her life, and wanted her to have them in death.)

If we don't have kids, when we die, who will care? And who will pass on the stories of our lives?

If you aren't planning to have kids, do you therefore need to do more to be a good and caring person to have a longlasting impact on the world--some measure of immortality and maybe someone out there who cares that you stepped on the earth? Somehow (and this seems blasphemous) I just don't think a great recipe for chicken and dumplings is enough.

Christmas is for kids?

We had our annual Christmas party this year to celebrate the season and my Mom's birthday. For the first time ever, many of our friends asked if they could bring their kids. We had to tell them it was an adults only party. We felt badly, but our house is just not kid friendly--no toys, no DVD set up, lots of dangerous stairs. We knew there were a few kids who would behave, but others that would run amok.

So here's what we decided. We went ahead and had the adults only party this year. Next year we will cordon off our third floor and provide a playpen, toys, blocks, video games and videos. And we will hire a baby sitter or two to watch everyone's kids. That way all the people we love can attend the party if they want to--whether or not they can find a sitter. Some of you might think we are coddling our parenting friends too much. But I care about these people and their families. That's what the holidays are about. Now, I didn't want their screaming kids at my wedding (and honestly hardly anyone I knew had kids back then), but this is different. The season is about caring for people and spending time with them. It's the least I can do for people who bring so much to my life.

Speaking of great people, we spent some great quality time with our friends D and J from Seattle. They left their 9 month old in the care of his mom and they spent a couple of adult days alone, just hanging out, going to movies, out to eat, etc--things they haven't been able to do so much of since H came along.

Those two are so cute. They are very cognizant of the non-parental world. They apologize when they think they are telling too many baby-centric stories or making strangers look at baby pictures, but they are just so gosh darned adorable, you just don't care. Two people who love and respect each other, love their kid and still like to let loose every once in a while. They are GREAT PR for having kids--if that's what you're into.

Me and The Boy at FDR's house in Hyde Park, New York. 

Happy DINK'in New Year

Welcome to the DINK blog--that's Double Income No Kids. That describes my husband and I. I started this blog to discuss some of the ideosyncrisies that people in our situation face. I know, this is nothing important like curing cancer, securing world peace or finding out whether Nick and Jessica will get back together, but when you have two people with good jobs and more time and disposable income than other people around them, I think there come certain responsibilities and obligations. How do you use your good fortune for good and not evil? How do you overcome selfishness when you only have yourselves to look after? How do you maintain relationships with your friends when they move on into the parental stage of life? Of course, it seems a little self absorbed--even a luxury--to be able to contemplate these issues. So many people have much more pressing concerns. Nevertheless, I hope you'll bear with me as I use this space to figure out the meaning of DINK life.